A Note of Honesty

I need people, everyday alone I am convinced more and more that people keep me thriving in all seasons of life. They are the fire that keeps my soul from freezing. A gift from my creator not yet known for the beauty it encompasses. Every person, every human contains a piece of my father, a piece of his image made vulnerable, made human, made real in a world of madness and discontent.
I want to see these tiny masterpieces of frailty revealing an ever loving, everliving God. I desire to hold people, to know them in intimate degrees, to crave their souls and the father evident in them.
But how to overcome the fear, bitterness, the hate in me? I feel overwhelmingly entwined with insecurities, rationalized fears, about myself and about others.
I want to love uncontrollably, uninhibited, with the heart of a lover at the height of euphoria. Pain holds me back, unknown tears of past and present hurts cloud my soul, my heart.
I can't see the beauty of people past the storms of pain.

Jesus, let the rains subside, let spring come to my barren soul and heart. Let relationships of every kind grow in my life. Let the pain melt like snow in the heat of fire. Sooth my troubled soul and let me love.

Let Me Love.

I truly and unabashedly love my husband who has been a constant friend to me when there seems to be none. He has never judged nor abandoned me when "ugliness" tried to consume me. Ryan I love you.